thinking about...

hmm, had wanted to blog about something...but i forgot all of a sudden. lol! anyway, asked someone special and significant (sss) if it is common for girls not to show their unhappiness due to past r/s in front of their guy. asked her that coz of a comment of a friend of mine. shan't say too much on that. so, sss said that it is common...though i forgot if she did give a reason or not. can't check the chat log since i'm at work now. oh well, i guess, girls are more subtle, mysterious and abstract, that's why we guys are attracted to them eh? =p (sss is gonna kill me for that i think) haha, one of her comments on why guys should behave themselves and why girls should be natural was kinda interesting as well. in any case, life is good...just wishing there is more time and money available. this weekend is gonna be packed with physical fitness stuff. ><>

updates...

almost a year. haha, that's what my mom said when she asked how long has it been. =p yep, in a blink of an eye, it's almost been a year. time sure flies. and through this period of time, a lot has been learnt, a lot has been done. mistakes were forgiven, arguments were resolved, peace was made, lessons were learnt. and through this period of time, i find myself growing...when i've been stagnant in the past. sometimes, we all need a push in the right direction and sometimes, the push has to be made by someone significant. all i can say is that, i've never been more grateful, i've never been more blessed. thanks. =)

work-wise, still going well. supe's temper though, is like a seismograph. lol! there are times when it's still, yet, when there are readings to be read, you can be sure something terrible is about to happen. =p but other than that, have to keep at being focussed and diligent.

studies, haha, getting to mix around with the people. found out that there's a coursemate staying just nine blocks away and as such, when our schedule permits, we'll meet each other to go to school together. he's a real nice fellow...lotsa views on IT stuff. he kinda reminds me of one of my bunkmates in camp though. i guess it's coz they both LOVE gaming. haha. all in all, life is good. just doing what i need to do and try to achieve my dreams. =) that's it for now. till the next post.

Awake...

September has ended. October has arrived. Just hope that from this month onwards, there'll be no unnecessary unhappiness. It really has not been a good past month. Filled with arguments, impatience and losing of tempers. Hopefully, through all these trials, we will come out stronger. Nothing is easy in life, and you definitely can't take anything for granted. To succeed, you have to constantly remind yourself to not do certain things, to not get complacent, to not lose focus, to not lose concentration. Even a second of any of the above, would have an undesirable result. Lotsa things to do, lotsa things to keep at. All these, are for the betterment of me. And these are things which i want to do as well, for a better future and a better life. Well, time to sleep now. Gotta get enough rest...before my body starts breaking down. NIghts!

thoughts...

something's wrong. something's definitely wrong. my memory's starting to fail me. i keep forgetting things almost the instant i remember them. doesn't matter where it's coming from...from friends, work, or even family. at most, i'll remember the outline of things but the contents just seem so far away. feeling darn sucky at the moment as someone got kinda pissed off at this. sighs...just hope that, it's due to lack of rest and not anything else. ippt tonight, just hope i'm able to pass this time round. everything else has been quite okay except for a few bumps in the past few weeks which i hope won't happen again. sometimes, i find my own actions inexplicable...and sometimes, i find myself looking at a stranger when i look in the mirror. personality crisis? or something deeper. oh well, hope the next three hours will go smoothly. and that my energy level will go up. it seriously is quite strenuous on me at the moment. even running in the rain earlier, was a struggle. as a result, i got almost thoroughly drenched. hope i won't fall sick... back to work now. =)

Fall For You

In love with this song at the moment. =)

Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was strongerI may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Been some time since I blogged. Life has been good. =) Started on a new job with NTT Corp on 26th May 2008 as a Data Centre Operator. In a way, it’s kinda close to what I was doing before in WVI but there’s more responsibilities and things to remember as it’s in a DRC (Disaster Recovery Centre) and things here are really tight in security. Even entrance requires my hand-recognition and that only leads to a man-trap area and requires unauthorized personnel to sign in before being able to go into either the server room or the technical room. Looking forward to learning new things here. Colleagues are good too and…everyone here is a male. Yea, so you can just imagine what kinda conversations go in here. Haha.

Should be signing up for a part-time course for a Diploma in Information Technology. It’ll bode well for my future and truth be told, I wasn’t allowed to go to sleep two nights ago by someone unless I promised her that I’ll sign up for the course. =.= Things are well between us as well I guess. We’ve kinda gotten closer too and she’s been coming over and we’d cook dinner together. Mind you, it’s not always a successful experience as our last cooking experience left us with a super-dry baked rice. Hahahaha. Just keeping fingers crossed that things will remain this way. =) And she has accepted NTU’s offer of going into the course of Mathematical Science. She’s appealing to get into Maths and Econs which is a combined degree course. Hope whichever course she’ll go into, she’ll study hard and do well. Blogging this in the middle of work so shall stop here for now. Keep coming back for updates yea. =D

A change in my routine life?

Back for another post after a long while. Alot has happened in these 2 months that I haven't been blogging. Finally met up with her and yea, I guess we do feel comfortable with each other. Things are going well, or so I think. Don't go ahead and start popping confetti all around though. No, we are not in a relationship...just that...we're kinda close. I guess I've kinda accepted the fact that maybe, we may never end up together but...just having this special bond between us is good enough. True to my own analysis of me having a cloudy character....able to adapt to any situation...just that I need some time to change into the form that the wind is trying to change me into. In this case, she's the wind and I'm the cloud. And I don't think anyone would understand this relationship between us. I guess for her, she herself is finding it kind of complex too. Was supposed to have a talk with her about it today but somehow, she didn't feel like talking about it in the end. All I can say is that, my feelings for her are really strong, I'd want to care for her and give her what I can to ensure she has a fulfilling life, to be there by her side whenever she needs me. A tall order yes, but when it comes to her, I really get that urge to want to do something....a factor is has been almost non-existent in the passive me, the me which has been moulded through these twenty-odd years by experiences which I can't seem to share with much people but with her, it does come out easily when I do want to share.

Truth be told, we do have our fair share of quarrels. We've had a cooling-off period, when we felt kinda 'tired' of our 'relationship' as we find that we have been engulfing each other with our presences, more of me than her. In any kind of relationship, there should be a healthy balance I suppose. A time for friends and family and a time for loved one. And lately, we suddenly have been meeting each other quite frequently...and it does worry me to a certain extent that...we may have to face the things that happened that led up to the cooling-off period...which was easily one of the worse weeks I've endured. Just two days ago, I kinda hurt her quite badly without realising it. Maybe it's because of this special relationship that we have that I don't really know where is the line that I should not be stepping but I guess I just have to treat it as if we ARE in a relationship, just that there's no status. Kinda said something that kinda made her feel like an outsider when she IS definitely a big important part of my life, and she was totally torn by what I said....totally hurt her and in her words, broke her heart into pieces. When I saw that message, my heart really went out to her. Because all these while, all that I was thinking was that she only saw me as a friend, at most a close friend...no emotional attachments at all. And after that message, I realised that I DO mean something to her, that she does have an emotional attachment to me, if not some. And all of a sudden, I felt that I have to start being more proactive instead of passive. To be abit more assertive instead of going along with what she says most of the time.

I do have to admit, for the first time in a VERY VERY VERY long time, I actually felt something stirring inside of me. It's as if a fire has been lit up...though right now, it's still a small flame. It's really hard for me to explain it here but I believe that for her, I just might be able to do alot of things which I've never really been able to do before, or rather, been motivated to do before. Maybe, just maybe, she could be THE one.

Anyway, she hasn't been feeling well today so she came over to rest as well as apply for her uni courses. Glad that she FINALLY got down to applying as she has been putting it off abit too much for comfort. Watched Prison Break Season 3 abit while eating pizza (she ordered). Could tell she wasn't feeling good at all as it was written all over her face. Got her to go home early and though she didn't want me to send her back, I insisted stubbornly (yea, real stubbornly =p ). Went to the ATM to draw out some cash for the cabfare and went to 7-Eleven to get some necessary items. In a way, today was a first...that she actually allowed some form of PDA (Public Display of Affection). We did hold hands abit in the cab and she leaned on my shoulder. Shan't dwell too much on it though as it could just be that she's feeling uncomfortable. Just hope that she'll be fine at work later today. Supposed to watch the match with her later tonight but since she's not feeling good, we scrapped that idea. The main thing is that she gets her rest. Kinda spaced out now, really tired. Hahaha, shall continue the next time.